Many guys ask me whether or not a man should pay for a woman's dinner on a date. And lots of so called "experts" will argue this case on either side. Let me give you a quick run down as to what the advantages and disadvantages to paying for dinner are... just so that we're on the same page:
Advantages of Not Paying for Dinner:
- You save money. A lot of money if you have a lot of dates. I know guys who spend more on taking women out than they spend on their rent payments...
- Contrary to what some men believe, paying for dinner usually works against them. It puts women in "courtship" mode, which causes them to play hard to get, make you wait for sex, and think that you are "pursuing them" and that they are a prize to be won. This is not the position that you want to be in.
- You won't be doing something that literally every other guy on the face of the planet has already tried. Basically, paying for dinner makes you seem average and typical. Being average or typical is the LAST thing you want to be seen as by a woman.
- Paying for dinner can create uncomfortable situations in the woman's mind. She may feel strange feelings of "obligation" and pressure coming from you, like you expect something just for paying for things. This inner conversation she has with herself will end up causing her to get scared and uncomfortable around you.
- It creates an "expectation" -- pay once, and you'll be expected to pay every time, which unless you're rich will put a drain on your wallet.
Advantages of Paying for Dinner:
- I lied. There aren't any.
Now, let me tell you what my take is: should you pay for dinner, or not pay for dinner? You may think you know what my answer will be, but you're probably wrong....
My answer is... don't go to dinner in the first place!
Dinner dates are for women who you are already involved with. Women who you are already having sex with or women that you are in a relationship with. That's one of my rules.
At that point, it doesn't matter whether you pay or not, it's up to you -- you've already created a good situation for yourself. Some men prefer to pay and be "the man", others prefer to save money.
Why do I recommend not going on dinner dates with women you are not having sex with or in a relationship with?
If you are not already involved with a girl emotionally, physically, or romantically, then the purpose of the date is to build that connection as soon as possible so that she will see you as her dream man. Romance to a woman has to happen fast, it's not a long drawn out process with several "job interviews" (dinner dates) and courting procedures.
No one likes that stuff. It's boring.
Dinner dates, especially expensive, formal ones, are in a high pressure environment where most people don't feel like they can be themselves. You can't truly get to know your date over dinner.
A dinner date also creates very little opportunity for natural physical contact. It's hard to escalate the physical connection when you're sitting at a table across from each other.
Instead, a dinner date usually ends up being an expensive forum for mundane conversation that might get you, at best, a peck on the cheek at the end of the night.
What do I recommend instead of dinner dates?
Fortunately, the best first dates are usually either so inexpensive that it's not a big deal
who pays, or they are completely FREE...
You want to go someplace that has:
a) plenty of opportunities for natural conversation or even physical contact, so you can get to know each other naturally. Think a nice stroll in a park or a fun neighborhood in your city.
b) not too much noise. Avoid places like loud bars or night clubs. Also avoid places where you can't talk, like the movies or the theater. Instead, opt for quiet places like a cafe with a relaxed ambience where you can hear each other and the "drinks" won't be too expensive (allowing you to pay for hers on let her do it)
c) settings that have too much pressure. You want to make the date seem as "natural" as possible so she'll be more relaxed and perceive you as a guy she "just met", instead of seeing the date as a forced, planned, contrived ploy at getting in her pants.
How to ask her out for these types of dates:
This part is vital. Many guys mess this up, because they don't know the proper method of how to ask a girl out on a date and get a positive response, so pay attention.
Rather than "asking" her if she'll go out with you, tell her that she SHOULD do something WITH you. Let me illustrate:
"I was thinking about going down to my favorite cafe to get a tea... you should join me!"
is much better than
"Would you like to go to the movies with me this Friday night?" (please?)
See the difference? The first approach is much less threatening, and is much more natural for her to just say "Okay." You're offering her something, instead of asking for something.
Make a joke along with your "request." Women just can't say no to good humor. Better yet, make a joke that serves a purpose. If you don't know how to make women laugh, then I recommend this excellent book by Martin Merryl:
Make Women Laugh Book
I could go on all day, but I think I've answered the original question, "should a man pay for dinner?"
The answer is that if this question even comes up, then you probably shouldn't even be taking her to dinner. You should be letting things unfold more naturally in a more natural environment. If you want to pay for her tea or whatever, however, it won't hurt you.
But if you feel like you want more advice on dating women, then I have a few suggestions for you...
First, sign up for my free newsletter: Sign Up for the MenWomenWantClub.com Newsletter Here
Next, purchase and PUT TO USE one of my recommended guides for learning to seduce women. Yes, this costs a little bit of money, but it's well worth it. Having success with women and unstoppable confidence is worth the price of a t-shirt or a pair of jeans any day.
Books that I highly recommend:
Double Your Dating by David DeAngelo - Chances are that you've already heard of this one or bought it yourself. It's becoming quite popular. If you haven't already read this, click the link and download it NOW.
Magic Bullets by Nick Savoy - Sort of a more "psychological" and "technical" approach to women and dating. This stuff can be clinical at times, but it WORKS like DYNAMITE. I can't see any guy having trouble with women if he uses this book as his Bible.
A little pricey at $68, but well worth the money.
Art of Approaching by Joseph Matthews - The Art of Approaching is a little bit different. Instead of going over the basics of seduction, it focuses solely on how to APPROACH beautiful women without fear of rejection. This one is really key if you want to build your confidence. Positive experience after positive experience with approaching women makes you feel like you're on top of the world.
I've given you the tools you need to succeed. Now there are no more secrets, and no more excuses. Whether you improve your success wtih women or not is up to you and the actions you take!
To YOUR Dating Success,